Where's the Fire?

One thing that has always struck me as odd are women and men who meet someone, 6 months later they are getting engaged, and then 6 months later are getting hitched at the altar. I have to wonder where the fire is, that these folk feel they have to rush right away into the ultimate committed relationship. How well could they even know each other?

So, this topic is for all those newly relationshipped couples, and my advice is: SLOW DOWN! See, the problem with new love is that your body is using chemistry to trick you into those phenomenal (and I do mean phe-nom-e-NAL!) feelings of overwhelming adoration for your new partner. This is easy to understand in evolutionary terms, as nature wants you to feel hot for a new partner, but then those feelings fade after 2-3 years tops, and then you lose interest and want to feel that again with something new. The ideal end result in nature would be child with partner one, have it be old enough to start fending for itself while in protected relationship, then seek another partner (new genes, genetic drift is good!), and repeat!

The only way to defeat the chemical warfare is with TIME. To truly know if you will have long term happiness, you have to wait it out past the 2-3 year mark. This gives an added benefit that you will have longer to really get to know each other, all your foibles and pet peeves, and the real you. Let's face it, everyone puts their best face forward for the first year or so, but then the behind-the-scenes you starts clamoring to be revealed. You might be able to keep it quiet and out of sight for 2 years, but it's gonna get real pushy by that time. So, the year 3 mark will reveal yourself, while the chemistry starts to change. After 3 years, if you can still stand each other, and still want to be with each other, you've got a shot! Enjoy your time together, and learn all about each other, and don't worry too much about the end destination, think about the steps along the way.

(Don't believe me about the chemistry, check out this: http://people.howstuffworks.com/love6.htm (Read pages 6-8 for a good idea of what I am talking about))

One final note: If you haven't talked about your finances with your significant other, and developed strategies with how you will combine, separate, divide the labor for dealing with it, and really talked about both debts and assets, you are definitely not ready to walk down the aisle. I don't care how many times you've hopped into bed together (that's the easy bit!), if you haven't talked about money, you don't really know each other!

And if you are asking about my cred, I am soon to celebrate 18 years together with my one and only man. We dated for 3 years before getting engaged, moved in with each other a year later, and got married 3 years after that, for a total of 7 years building a strong foundation to anchor our commitment when we did finally get married.